31
December 1999
He asked me where I was going to be this New Year's Eve. "Somewhere alone and remote. I don't mesh well with New Year's. I'm a creature of regret." He didn't quite understand. I can distinctly remember one New Year's Eve of my childhood. As the clock crept toward midnight, I inched my way down the basement stairs... one by one. I was only about halfway down when I could hear the sounds of celebration coming from the television in our living room. Upon realizing that it was midnight, that a year had broken off and was suddenly falling into the abyss of the past, I began to cry. I felt a year's worth of regret pinned up in the pit of my stomach. Every New Year's Eve has been downhill since. I've tried big fun and low key. But that feeling never disappears. I'm always that child on the stairwell crying over all that is lost. But not this year. People I know make resolutions. They revel in clean slates, new beginnings, second comings. In the past I could never find the strength or the hope to join them. But this year's different. I ducked out of my life a week ago. Cocooned myself in thought. I bought a new coat and a pair of kick-ass boots. My mind is racing with revolution. I jumped through my cartoon hole and where I come out will be a surprise to even me. But I'll see you there. Who do you want to be in the new year? biggest kiss... ...kristen |
|