C-SPAN's number one fan

1 June 2000

cameo appearance by Todd Sonneborn

Kristen insists the funniest part was NOT when I said "You know, the beauty of the Constitution is that you don't have to HAVE a copy of it with you in order to have it working in your favor."

She was home watching C-SPAN last week, while I was at work checking my retirement fund on E*Trade.com. I'm a good 40 years away from accessing this money, but I check the balance daily. A guy watching paint dry, probably beat us both on the Excitement-O-Meter.

So she's asking me who this guy is that's speaking in the Senate, as if my telepathic powers give me a real-time connection to see what she's seeing. The fact that I stayed on the line, listening to C-SPAN being interpreted and relayed to me via Kristen's horrible telephone connection is proof of just how bored I was. I made the mistake of asking a question... and you KNOW Kristen was just waiting for one so that she could delve into the fast-paced world of the U.S. Congress at work. I mean the guys that are actually IN Congress collecting big bucks and fame for their ability to pay attention to what was going on could barely stay awake long enough to ask a question.

I simply asked Kristen to give me job descriptions for the Senate majority and minority whips. She replied, "Hold on, I'll read you the Constitution." And sure enough, in less than 10 seconds, she produced a copy of the U.S. Constitution (in hind site I think it might have been the original) and began reading it to me. She was then AMAZED that I didn't have a copy of the Constitution in my own home. She ranted about the fact that I would need to know my rights "in case a platoon of soldiers tries to take over your apartment for refuge". I pointed out how I could just show them that my kitchen was far too small to accommodate an army of any size, but she wasn't so amused by my mockery. So I then said:

"You know, the beauty of the Constitution is that you don't have to HAVE a copy of it with you in order to have it working in your favor."

During the past week, whenever I talk to her I keep bringing up how funny this response was, but she insists that the beauty and humor of the whole thing was how long we sat there discussing C-SPAN and the Bill of Rights, and that my response was NOT the funny part... not at all. Admit it, you laughed when you read it though... didn't you?

kristen's note:

Though not stated in the Constitution, except to say that "The Senate shall chuse their other Officers", the majority and minority whips fall in the Senate hierarchy under the majority and minority leaders and are elected by party caucuses. Their job is to persuade members of their own party to support the agendas established by majority and minority leaders. This includes constantly updating members on schedules of floor action, keeping tabs on how they and their colleagues are likely to vote, and making sure they are present for tight votes. The House of Representatives also has majority and minority party whips. While the task of the Senate whips is less numerically daunting than that of their House counterparts, they are traditionally less successful at promoting party unity.
Borrowed from British Parliament and first used in the U.S. Congress in 1897, "whip" is a shortened form of "whipper-in," a fox-hunting term for the person whose job it is to keep the dogs together in a tight pack.