I keep trying to tell people that my mom just isn't like other moms. And now I've got hard evidence in this email she sent on Saturday night:

"I just went to my email and there was nothing there from you. I could borrow money, get a free lapel flag pin, see naked black girls, but there was nothing from you. I could buy CDs online or get a quote on my mortgage, but there was nothing from you. And why do they never offer naked black men or naked white men? It's always black girls. Damn."

I swear. Even though I possess half of her genetic makeup, I couldn't begin to make that up.