Ladies and gentlemen, this is my impression of a writer resisting temptation. Though practically begging for attention, I have promised myself that I will stay strong, avoiding all puns, quips, and quibbles pertaining to the title of the show. Let's see how long I last.

There is a certain something intrinsic to the off-Broadway musical as a genre, a specific quality that makes it decidedly distinct from its wonderfully appealing on-Broadway counterparts. Maybe it's the proximity to the performers or maybe it's the candy selection at intermission. I'm sure the distinction could be and has been debated ad nauseam. Be that as it may, Zanna, Don't!, playing off-Broadway at the Houseman Theatre, definitely succeeded in casting its glittering spell on West 42nd Street.

All eight of the talented cast members of Zanna gave stand-out performances - a considerable feat against the ever-shimmering collection of costumes and set pieces designed to celebrate all things stereotypically gay. Thankfully, the usual pitfalls of today's most lauded pop performers seem to have been avoided. While two of the characters do take a moment to admire each other's posteriors, their very fine figures never become the focal point of their presentation. Instead, they hone in on demonstrating their considerable vocal abilities, their tremendous sense of individualism (as a collective), and their infectious enthusiasm.

I'm admittedly hesitant to single out any one of the performers since Zanna is truly an ensemble production. At the same time, excluding their individual names and talents from my review would be like the SEC filing an indictment without mentioning each of Martha's questionable transactions and indiscretions. Having ruled out the option of a word jumble, I'm left with no choice but to subtly pepper the remainder of my text with their initials. Be on the lookout.

J.R. plays the title character to a sleeveless T as his magical wand guides him through the halls of a high school with no room for squares. Those of you familiar with his work can decide for yourselves whether it's his talent or just typecasting that allows his performance to seem so comfortable. His powers allow him to play cupid in the alternate reality of the show where being homosexual is the mainstream. Of course, every super-hero has a sidekick and Zanna's is a small, glittering bluebird who, incidentally, receives no credit in the program. Someone call Equity, quick!

S.T., as Kate, is one of the many classmates who's love life is manipulated, I mean "charmed" by the sleeveless boy-wonder as she finds herself falling for Roberta as portrayed by A.L. The high school locker room is shared by the school's least and most popular teams: football, captained by Steve (J.Z.) and chess, captained by Mike (E.R.). And, yeah, they kiss. The parallel universe is emphatic enough in its reversal from reality to constantly remind the audience that the musical, while light, does have a message of tolerance and understanding that it's hoping to convey.

The school's drama club president, A.R.P. as Candy, is faced with a tough decision as Mike proposes that they do a musical about heterosexuals in the military - a direct affront to all that the P.T.A. holds near and dear. Thankfully, her assistant Buck, played by D.N., cleverly talks her into challenging the status quo. R.S., as Tank, though with powers less magical than Zanna's, becomes the story's real hero, saving the one character that might actually need it in the otherwise diabetic starters-kit of typical teen drama and, like, oh my god, heartache. That wasn't hard, now was it? In case you had some trouble, answers to the word-find are available online at www.pleasetellmeyourekidding.com.

The show's author, Tim Acito (assisted on book and lyrics by Alexander Dinelaris), indicated in a recent interview that we have something in common. We are both victims of pop music, and I have proudly been so since long before the era when Ms. Gibson still went by Debbie. I say "victim" only because of my slight (read "excessive") affinity for any music video with a catchy chorus set to an unoriginal beat featuring way-too suggestive choreography being performed by way too young dancers-- all in front of a neon-trimmed backdrop. This indulgence has swayed most of my friends to believe that I don't have very good taste in music. I would argue, though, that my poor taste is completely unrelated to my enthusiasm for today's pop entertainers. (You'll note that I am careful to refer to them as neither artists nor musicians.)

Unlike the particular brand of entertainment that I have unashamedly confessed my weakness for, Zanna, Don't! has merits far beyond those that its pop-style score and Saved By The Bell characters would initially suggest. But, before you read further, you should probably know that I actually once attended an 'N Sync concert of my own volition. That will serve as my second, and hopefully final, confession.

Zanna, while every bit a product of the new millennium, is actually a cleverly penned and stylishly performed production of a show that successfully employs a host of very traditional musical theatre elements to keep its audience both interested and entertained.

The music, while uniform enough to provide a cohesive soundtrack, covers genres from pop to country to house and back again. The Rainbow-Bright scenery taking us to Heartsville High is both simple and effective. The lighting and sound design pulse the audience through the scenes and score with choices which, while at times obvious, were often the powder that put the final Hard Candy cosmetic shimmer on another energized production number. Costumes, like fluorescent varsity letter jackets, also played no small part in fulfilling the mission of a production subtitled as "A Musical Fairy Tale". From start to finish, the direction by Devanand Janki demonstrated a careful understanding of the fine line between a show that just isn't that serious and a show that people just won't take seriously.

Other devices smartly employed included new twists on old cliches, and, one of my personal favorites, numerous less-than-subtle references to a variety of other musicals and pop-culture films. It seemed almost thoughtless that John Hughes himself wasn't officially thanked in the program. Furthermore, with her many recent New York appearances both on and off the Great White Way (a horribly un-P.C. term for me to use, I know) you have to wonder if Ms. Ringwald was offered a part in the show at some point.

I lied. I actually have a third confession. In the first five seasons of Dawson's Creek, I didn't miss a single episode. Yet, come their sixth and final season, I intentionally skipped out on the entirety of their "Countdown to Goodbye." I tell you this only because I'm not sure which I'm more proud of or if I'm equally embarrassed by both. While Zanna, Don't! may have run for only a short while, its interpretation of today's pop culture was far more artistic than such a label would imply. I just hope the WB doesn't get wind of this and try to hire away Mr. Acito before we get to hear from him again.

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